2012 Final Results
Review of 2012 Competitors
2012 Concession Letters
Tears glistened on young cheeks as the KU flag was lowered in a somber
ceremony outside Smackdown Central this morning. Otherwise innocent
hearts questioned the essential goodness of a Supreme Being who would
allow Kentucky to win the National Championship.
Bill Self, not entirely comfortable with being called a "Supreme Being"
nevertheless advised that his team would be back in 2013.
In the meantime, the 2012 Smackdown has come to an end. And the winner
"Flat Iron" Chastain. The
Flat Iron rode Kentucky's win to the championship, but he doesn't feel
altogether good about it. "Yeah, I chose Kentucky to win it all, but I
am realizing that that kind of choice has consequences.
I mean, I have two kids - do I want them to grow up in the kind of world
John Calipari is making?"
2. Finishing one point behind the Flat Iron at number two was Mark
"Striking Distance" Vetter. The
Markle has flirted with success on and off throughout this Smackdown,
but is also not sure of the cost. "I picked Kentucky to try to win this
thing. So why do I feel like I have lost my soul?"
3. Rounding out the top three is our newbie this year, Bryn
"I feel so dirty" Wittmayer. She
is glad to finish in the top three - one position ahead of her husband -
but the miasma caused by picking the Wildcats as champions is making her
question whether it was worth it or not as well. "I have taken three
showers a day since the Championship Game, but I just can't get clean."
"Low Expectations" Smith finished
tied for fourth with recently retired super-hero Art
"Geezer" Gepner at
209 points, in spite of The Geezer losing his champion in the first
6. Though last year she took time out from her busy scheduled to kick
the Smackdown field's butts up between our collective shoulder blades,
Aron "Inevitable" Rider finished
"Nothing to See Here" Kurtz enjoyed
a surprisingly successful tournament run with some, ahem
"unconventional" picks, but finished in a four-way tie for seventh with Amy
"the view from up here is fantastic" Smith, Sean
"Kissy Face" Heston and Lisa
"Mucho Smoocho" Heston.
"Learning to love Kentucky" Jefferis tied
for eleventh place with Scott
"I used to be somebody" McLoughlin.
"the highest-ranking" Simmons finished
lucky number thirteen with 194 points on 39 correct choices.
"It's alright. I'm a doctor." Augusto with
139 points on 39 correct choices.
"You're welcome" Smith finished
with 190 points on 35 correct choices.
"I shall thwart you a new one" Simmons finished
with 188 points on 37 correct choices.
"Supertramp" Smith was three points behind the Thwartster on
36 correct choices.
"Unprecedented Heights of Suckage" Simmons was
eliminated from contention after three rounds of play. He finished with
a mere 164 points - more than 60 behind the Flat Iron.
19. 'Inspired' by Shakespeare, Michael
"The Bard" Thummel finished
in nineteenth place, but his 'adaptation' of the Saint Crispin Day
speech in his concession letter brings a literary feel to the Smackdown.
Nice work, Mr. Thummel.
"El Schmeko" Simmons did
not have her best Smackdown, but did pick the eventual champion. "Hey, I
take my victories any way I can get them."
"The Anchor Man" Jefferis, having had the most time to work
on his concession letter, actually sent two. And like any good lawyer,
he incorporated the first into the second by reference. Clif, we here at
Smackdown Central appreciate the effort, but strongly suggest that youcalendar
yourself a vacation. Right now.
Many of you have done your duty and fulfilled your moral obligation.
Those of you who have not sent your concession letters - let's get'er