2011 Final Results
Review of 2011 Competitors
We came close in 2004 and then again in 2007. But in 2011 the
Smackdown has finally achieved existential perfection. As the
standings finalized, Derek was in Last
Place. This means that the entire rest of the field finished
above the Derekdoza line. Pardon us, as we here at Smackdown Central
are getting a little misty over the situation. Can it ever really
get better than this?
Ahem, well. In an effort to pull ourselves together, we would like
to note the top three:
Winning her first ever Smackdown
Aron "Sledgehammer" Rider
pounded the rest of the field into submission with a score of
106 points more than Derek on 8 more correct choices. Before the
Smackdown was even fully decided, Aron exhibited strong
leadership and took the field in hand, "I am not going to settle
for any of this 'oh, I was tired' or 'oh, I have new baby, pity
me'" baloney. People are going to have to acknowledge my
superiority in a decisive manner in their concession letters or
taste the sting of my new riding crop." (We here at Smackdown
Central have decided to take another look at our concession
letter, just to be safe.)
Craig "Wildman" Kurtz.
In 2003, Craig also finished second behind Art Gepner. This
year, the "Wildman" finished with 96 points more than Derek,
also on 8 more correct picks. Says Craig, "It's true that second
place is a little like kissing your sister, but 20th must be
like cleaning the shower with your toothbrush."
In second place after a long
hiatus from the front of the pack is
also fanned the flames of nostalgia by re-appearing in the top 3
for the first time since 2008 when he finished second. Prior to
that, Art's claim to fame was winning it all at the beginning of
the Modern Smackdown era in 2003. "The Gonz" was able to garner
75 points more than Derek on seven more correct choices.
Art "Gonzo" Gepner
Barry "Rain Man" Smith
ended the Smackdown with 73 more points than Derek on six more
finished with 71 points more than Derek on five more correct
Tifani "Boom-Boom" Jefferis
took some time off the ski slopes to register 62 points more
than Derek on six more correct choices.
John "What's a little incorrect
procedure between friends?" Wittmayer
finished with 52 points more than Derek on four more correct
Amy "Ahab" Smith
ended the Smackdown with 48 points more than Derek on five more
"Tigers Blood" Chastain
finished with 44 points more than Derek on five more correct
Wayne "No Pants" Simmons
finished with 38 points more than her brother on four more
Katherine "Rascal" Simmons
registered 38 points more than Derek, having made just one more
correct choice. "That is called, 'bang for your buck'."
Patrick "I'm just showing off
finished this year's event with 35 points more than Derek on six
more correct choices. In an effort to keep the peace at home, he
also took Duke as his national champion.
Clif "Lunchbox" Jefferis
has an unusual claim to fame this year. She finished with 34
more points than Derek, but actually had two fewer correct
choices. "Just a little woman power for ya," she has assured
Lisa "Doing what I can with what
I got" Heston
finished with 30 points more than Derek on four more correct
John "Sticky" Augusto
finished with 25 points more than Derek on four more correct
Michael "Michael" Thummel
also got 25 points more than Derek on three more correct
Paul "Pappy" Smith
got 22 points more than Derek on two more correct choices.
Mark "Voodoo" Vetter
finished with 13 points more than Derek on two more correct
choices. Scott is also the only person not sleeping in the
Jefferis' master bedroom to pick Duke as his champion.
Scott "Kiblemeister" McLoughlin
ended this year's Smackdown with five points more than Derek's
on two more correct choices.
Rand "Rooster" Simmons
Derek "Butter my butt and call me a biscuit" Simmons
rounds out the bottom of the field with a woeful 116 points on
30 correct choices. (Yes,
yes. Next year he will 'crush us all'. He's so cute when he
talks like that, isn't he?).
We here at Smackdown Central would strongly urge all the
participants to take a moment, stand up, smell the roses, and feel
the freakiness that is the Smackdown.