If James Naismith were alive today, he would be grilling Kielbasa

and cursing his brackets, just like the rest of us.

 

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2006 Final Results

 

Yet another Smackdown has passed and yet another Champion has been crowned. AND it isn’t Derek. It is all gravy after that.

For the record, we have yet ANOTHER two-time winner. Joining Scott “Egg McMuffin” McLoughlin and Wayne “Burrito Grande” Simmons in the first tier is Cyprian “It Takes Two Hands to Hold a Whopper” Sanchez.

 

1. “Two-Hands” Sanchez had it his way when he moved from 5th place after the first two rounds to win the whole thing with 196 points on 41 correct choices. Even though his champion, UConn, did not pull it off. Claims the new Champ, “Hey, it IS too a whopper. Quit saying it's a junior burger!”

 

2. “Hands” managed to outdistance Barry “Chicken McNuggets” Smith by one point. “McNuggets” Smith leads off our one-two Smith brother punch with 195 points on 38 correct choices. Advises Barry, “History is herstory too. P.S. Hillary in 2008.”
 

3. Paul “ex-King of the World” Smith leads off our “ménage a traffic jam” in third place with 180 points on 36 correct. Paul stated for the record, “I am very excited. Mediocrity is not as far down as it has been in recent Smackdowns…”

 
3. After two extraordinary years, “McMuffin” McLoughlin (or Mac-Squared as we like to call him) ended up with 180 points on 38 correct choices. “We both picked UConn, we both got 180 points. Sigh. 'Grande' going to haunt me for the rest of my life, isn’t he?” (Smackdown Central would like to welcome Mr. McLoughlin to our world.)
 

3. “Grande” Simmons made a “run for the border” with 180 points on 37 correct choices. Notes the ex-Champ, “Sometimes you get the burrito, sometimes the burrito gets you.”

 
6. In a pleasant change of pace, Derek “Burrito Pequeño” Simmons 'thought outside the bun'” for 173 points on 37 correct choices. “You may be thinking 6th, but I am thinking that technically, it’s 4th. So… I am going to Disneyland.”

 
7. Rand “Chili Cheese Burrito” Simmons managed 163 points on 30 correct choices. After losing his Jayhawks in the first round, “Chili-Cheese” waxed philosophical. “Ugh. Me pick many unlikely upsets. Me finish 7th. Me okay with it.”

 
8. Patrick “Filet-O-Fish” Smith clearly ‘had a break today’ with 161 points on 33 correct choices. “I don’t think that it’s fair to say that I am the suckiest of the Smith brothers, although an argument can clearly be made…”
 

9. Tifani “Dangerously Cheesy” Jefferis compiled 155 points on 34 picks. “Dangerously” also has a fairly prosaic outlook. “I am not as fond of finishing in the bottom half of the field as you might imagine. But Duke had a decent tournament. And I wailed on Clif’s mailbox. So I can live with it.”
 

10. Craig “Finger-Lickin’ Good” Kurtz totaled 147 points on 33 correct picks. “I have been reduced from respected military rank to a consumer of chicken? Oh, the humanity!”
 

11. Clif “What Do You Mean Grits Aren’t The Breakfast Of Champions?” Jefferis finished with 141 points on 32. (Clif, Smackdown Central would like to advise you that it is an open secret that most of our wives would smack us around. It doesn’t make you any less of a man. That you are aware of, at any rate…)
 

12. Paul “Bring On the Good Stuff” Lehmkuhler petered out with 139 points on 34 correct picks. “What do you mean there was no Geezer Surge? I want my Geezer Surge! I DESERVE a Geezer Surge…”
 

13. John “the Other White Meat” Wittmayer was also disappointed with 136 points on 30 correct picks. “I think I may be about ready for my nap. Wake me up if the AARP calls.”
 

14. Art “It Takes A Tough Man To Make A Tender Chicken” Gepner finished with 129 points on 31 correct picks. “That’s right. Tender, baby.” (Smackdown Central doesn’t know either.)
 

15. Katherine “Zesty Chicken Border Bowl” Simmons once again volunteered to hold up the curve this year with 105 points on 26 correct choices. “This is almost a heads-you win, tails-I lose deal, isn’t it?” (Smackdown Central thinks she might be on to us...)
 


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page updated: 4/06/2006

Photos of James Naismith courtesy of The Naismith Foundation. Used with permission

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