If James Naismith were alive today, he would be grilling Kielbasa

and cursing his brackets, just like the rest of us.

 

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2005 Final Results

 

We had a pretty good pool to mirror a very exciting tournament. Making a late move, Wayne “’Strap” Simmons wrapped up his second Smackdown championship in convincing fashion.

 

In an unusually sportsman-like move by our new champ, ‘Strap graciously recognized John “Geezer” Wittmayer’s correct pick of the National Champion Tarheels.

 

Of course, maybe it is easier to be gracious when Mrs. ‘Strap is so willing to talk smack for him…

 

Ye Olde Final Results

 

  1. After last year’s exceedingly narrow defeat at the hands of Scott “Even Gender Pronouns Defeat Me” McLoughlin, Wayne “You want a piece of THIS?” Simmons brought his “A” game this year, winning the whole enchilada with 212 total point son 43 correct choices. Says Wayne, “After last year, I just had to rectify the situation.”

  2. Scott “Pronoun” McLoughlin almost pulled the three-peat with another strong performance. This year, however, he could not hold off the strong move by the ‘Strap. He did, however, finish a good 9 points ahead of our third place competitor with 204 points on 41 correct choices. “Maybe ‘Strap and I will just take it outside and settle it like men next year.”

  3. John “I love Ol’ Roy” Wittmayer made a surprising jump into third place on Carolina’s win. “’Ol Roy” showed with 195 points on 38 correct choices. “Let’s just say that I will NOT be going to Albuquerque any time soon…”

  4. Rand “Not feeling the love” Simmons was bumped into fourth place on ‘Ol Roy Wittmayer’s late move. ‘Feeling finished with 191 points on 40 correct choices. “After tasting the sweet air of the top four, I am not sure how long ‘at least I don’t suck as bad as Derek’ is going do it for me.”

  5. Cyprian “I make even 5th place look good” Sanchez finished with 189 points on 34 correct choices. “’Strap’ made 9 correct choices more than me? How in the world did I even make it to fifth place?”

  6. Paul “Meat” Lehmkuhler completes our trio of ‘Geezers On The Make’ with a late move into 6th place despite losing his champion in the first round. “Meat” wound up with 184 points on 34 correct choices. “Next year Nebraska will be in the Dance and you guys can see a REAL team…”

  7. Paul “Stud-Muffin” Smith dramatically underachieved with only 181 points on 39 correct choices. Somehow, “Muffin” managed to finish 7th while getting one correct choice more than his father-in-law “Ol Roy” Wittmayer. Coincidence? Says “Muffin,” “He beat me by how much? Man, it is going to be a long year.”

  8. Leading of the bottom half of the field is Derek “Who’s Yer Daddy” Simmons. “’Daddy” managed just 176 points on 36 correct choices in a relatively strong bid for mediocrity. Admits Derek, “Thirty-six points behind the Waynester? Clearly, I still suck.”

  9. Barry “Fists of Fury” Smith finished with 170 points on 37 correct choices. “Notice how I finished ninth and I STILL thumped Patrick. I rock.”

  10. Patrick “I got smoked by Derek AND both of my brothers” Smith, in his rookie campaign, finished with 157 points on 34 correct choices. “I am going to have to re-think this whole Smackdown thing. If I wanted this kind of abuse, I would normally just lip off to my girlfriend…”

  11. Craig “Rear Admiral” Kurtz is feeling “Muffin” Smith’s pain whilst he ponders the vagaries of picking upsets. The ‘Rear Admiral’ managed only 150 points on 38 correct choices, 45 points behind ‘Ol Roy’ Wittmayer on the same number of choices. “Doggone it, I nearly made even Derek look like he knew what he was doing and we all know how likely that is…”

  12. Katherine “Extra Blankets” Simmons finished with 123 points on 32 correct choices. “I got so much stinkin’ character I could just bust.”

  13. Art “One-Nut” Gepner rebounded from his strong fantasy football season with a paltry 118 points on 29 correct choices. One of two ex-champs to finish at the bottom, he may have been a little distracted by his coup in sharing a classy Australian drinking song in his concession letter. “How about the way I added that ‘horse’s ass’ part and nobody realized it?”

  14. Bringing up the rear is another former Smackdown Champ, Tifani Jefferis. Jefferis finished with 115 points on 28 correct choices. “Wake Forest? What in the world was I thinking? For goodness’ sake, don’t tell the rest of the Junior League about this.”

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page updated: 3/14/2006

Photos of James Naismith courtesy of The Naismith Foundation. Used with permission

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