Name: Bryn Wittmayer
Fortune cookie: Always hire a lawyer.
Worst internet habit: I'm never really offline.
Hold Derek down... and let his kids decide what happens
“The truth may be out there, but the lies are
inside your head.”
~ Terry Pratchett
Name: Paul Smith
Fortune: Don't go to bed.
Internet: What's that? And, I have no bad habits.
We should totally hold Derek down... and recite Monty
Python lines to him.
"That's Mr. Iceman to you."
“Shockerman Forever” Vetter
Fortune Cookie: "Rise above Derek and you will be a
Worst Internet Habit: Wasting time reading Facebook
We should totally hold Derek down... and let "DOG"
(player) lick his face.
“Every day is a new day. It is better to be
lucky. But I would rather be exact. Then when luck comes you are
~ Ernest Hemingway, The Old Man and the Sea
Name: David McFarlane
Fortune: you all will lose
Worst habit: checking sports too much to see if I won yet
We should hold Derek down... and make his picks for him
~almost any good person ever
here at Smackdown Central don’t really understand the quote, but
David tied for sixth last year, so his quote can be whatever he
Name: John McFarlane
Fortune for a Fortune cookie: You will reconsider your
life choices when writing a letter of concession to a
Worst internet habit: Online diplomacy games.
We Should totally hold Derek down and... Force him to
watch every Nicolas Cage movie in existence (We here at
Smackdown Central wonder if John gets that cruel streak from his
If I were playing third base and my mother
were rounding third with the run that was going to beat us, I'd
trip her. Oh, I'd pick her up and brush her off and say, "Sorry,
Mom," but nobody beats me.
Name: John Wittmayer
Write a fortune for a fortune cookie: So, apparently the
rumors of your demise are greatly exaggerated?
Worst habit related to the Internet: Internet? Is that
the thing Al Gore invented that I keep hearing about?
We should totally hold Derek down and... stop him from
procreating, now that Olivia has joined the family.
borrowed that from Alfred E. Neuman - if you are too young to
know about that, just "Google" it)
Name: Arthur "Wolfpack"
Fortune cookie: You learn from your mistakes... You will
learn a lot today. Or never tease an armed midget with a
Worst Internet habit: I constantly search things up on
the internet... btw... did you know...
We should totally hold Derek down and... use "Just for
Men" on him so that he looks his age again.
"Man who goes through turnstile sideways at
the airport is going to Bangkok."
Fortune cookie: Look for wisdom elsewhere.
Worst habit related to the Internet: Destroying life's
mysteries one Google search at a time.
We should totally hold Derek down and... make him listen
to himself talk.
The problem is never the solution. However,
oftentimes the solution is a problem.
Name: Andrew Farhat
Fortune cookie: Your favorite NFL team will win the Super
Bowl this year.
Worst habit related to the Internet: Excessive Seahawks
We should totally hold Derek down and... give him a
“Faith is not primarily a function of how you
feel. Faith is living out, trusting, and believing what truth is
despite what you feel.”
Name: Michael "Toddzilla"
Fortune cookie: That wasn't chicken.
Worst habit related to the Internet: Despite what many
may suspect, my biggest time-sink on the net would probably be
YouTube weepies. Kids gettin' puppies, Soldiers coming home,
those ones where kids get a cochlear implant and hear for the
first time. I'm a big sappy sucker for those. I can't explain
it, but about once a month (this weekend, for example) I'll find
myself watching those sorts of things. For hours. For fun I also
can also be up till midnight laughing at YouTube people after
they get their wisdom teeth removed. Oh, one more bad internet
habit, I'll write something witty on facebook, then lose
confidence in my abilities to be witty on facebook and then I
delete what I have just posted and feel defeated. Again.
We should totally hold Derek down and... leave him be.
Based on his record in this tournament, the man has suffered
Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a
tree a long time ago.
Craig "CBI" Kurtz
Fortune cookie: The best is yet to come ... whoops, you
just missed it.
Worst internet habit: Participating in The Smackdown year
after year after year...
Hold Derek down... and paint his toenails Cyclone red and
* Fun fact: Colorado is the only team invited to a post-season
tournament this year with a losing record. They made the College
Basketball Invitational Tournament. That's right, the CBI.
What's that, you ask? Why, it's "a postseason tournament
comprised of a 16-team field [and created by a marketing
company]. The CBI provides a meaningful opportunity for teams
that are deserving of a postseason experience." Among the
notable teams joining Colorado in the field are Radford, Stony
Brook and Delaware State. Colorado will host the always-tough
Gardner-Webb Runnin' Bulldogs of Boiling Springs, NC. I'm sure
you will all join me to cheer for the Buffaloes in their quest
to be the 101st best team in the country!
Name: Aron "What is
this conference shuffle all about?!" Rider
Fortune cookie: Beware of the outstretched limbs of your
Worst habit related to the Internet: defriending series
spoilers on FB.
We should totally hold Derek down and... recite his stats
in the Smackdown from the beginning to now, in 5 languages.
"Everybody hears, but few listen."
Dr. John Augusto
Fortune cookie: You will see the day when you will wake
up with nothing to do, then you will die.
Worst habit related to the Internet: watching cat memes
We should totally hold Derek down and... dress him like a
Oregon State beaver and make him sing the fight song down Pearl
Street in Eugene
not insane. My mother had me tested!
~Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.
Name: Amy Smith
Fortune cookie: You will win the Smackdown this year.
Lucky number: 64
Worst habit related to the Internet: Making silly cat
videos that go viral.
We should totally hold Derek down... and tickle!
vain have you acquired knowledge if you have not imparted it to
- Deuteronomy Rabbah
Fortune cookie: Unfortunately, the chance to make a
difference has passed you by.
Worst habit related to the internet: Entering way too
many NCAA bracket contests.
We should totally hold Derek down and... force feed him
Name: Meghan McGill
Fortune cookie: Don't be that guy.
Worst habit related to the Internet: opening too many
tabs then never getting around to reading them all.
We should totally hold Derek down and... play the
chipmunks' Christmas CD on repeat.
There's no crying in baseball.
Name: Clif “Danger”
Fortune cookie: Free beer, tomorrow.
Worst habit related to the Internet: TED talks.
We should totally hold Derek down and... write silly
sayings all over him with magic markers.
come se dovessi morire domani, e ama come se dovessi vivere per
Name: Derek Simmons
Fortune: Do not take yourself so seriously--nobody else
Internet Habit: Derek has built a Pinterest empire
revolving entirely around My Little Pony.
We should totally hold Derek down and... saw his toenails
back down to human size. Those things are lethal weapons.
best to act with confidence, no matter how little right you have
Name: Michael "I Don't Know
Fortune cookie: You will drink at least one beer during
the NCAA basketball tournament.
Worst habit related to the Internet: Recipe searching
We should totally hold Derek down and... let him up?
Number one, I don't know Derek, and two, to not let him up would
invention of basketball was not an accident. It was developed to
meet a need.
boys simply would not play 'Drop the Handkerchief.'
Name: Barry "Papa
Fortune cookie: He who laughs last thinks slowest. So
don't think. Just laugh.
Worst habit related to the Internet: I plead the fifth.
We should totally hold Derek down and... put Elmers glue
all over him then dump a jar or two of gold glitter on him. Then
we could say he's a miner and just hit the mother lode.
"Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a
while, the scum all floats to the top."
Fortune cookie: You will soon meet a child who takes two
hours to make his bracket picks due to lack of attention span
longer than five seconds.
Worst internet related habit: Hunt and peck typing...with
my tongue (My material, Dad says I'll get it later)
We should totally hold Derek down and... make him watch
Kansas get killed by Kentucky over and over.
Fortune cookie: Relationships is like fingers of your
hand. "One" cannot do much.
Worst habit related to the Internet: "Click here to learn
the shockingly simple way to break bad internet habits!"
We should totally hold Derek down and... make him watch
"My Own Private Idaho" repeatedly. Other Keanu Reeves movies
could be substituted if that one doesn't seem to create the
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go
~Philip K Dick
Name: Scott “Bread and
Fortune cookie: “The outlook for a Simmons victory is
Worst habit related to the Internet: Constantly
“googling” myself. My mother said that type of thing can make
you go blind…
We should totally hold Derek down and... alter his
appearance to make him a dead ringer for Ted Cruz.
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, No?!”
Boon: “Forget it. He’s on a roll."